It's 2010, a brand new year.
I've been pondering for the past few days, trying to gather some thoughts and ideas and goals, some sort of direction for this new year. I feel like a blank slate. It's as if I've been walking around with a clipboard and a pen listening, thinking, observing, reading, talking, struggling, struggling for something, anything, to write down. You know what? Zilch. Nada. Nothing. I feel completely void of ideas, goals and direction for the future past this very moment.
My Sweet Niece Lindsey posted an honest, and humbling post A New Year...A New Me in which she was asked about her and Brian's Five Year Plan. I don't know what she actually said at the time but in her post she responds with a scripture Isaian 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither your ways my ways declares the Lord."
Like Lindsey I am not against planning and long term goals and financial regulation to make those goals and plans happen. I admire and envy people who can form a plan and make it happen. But for me life is just not that way. I've tried but it's never happened. Not the way I planned and worked toward anyway.
I cling to Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."
I say "I cling" but actually I stray, a lot. I get scared, tired, panicky, frustrated, and feel totally out of control more often than not it seems. Then I get back to trust - Trust in the LORD, trust in my husband, trust in myself, trust that everything will be all right.
My clipboard is no longer a blank slate. It says, "Thank you Lord for the plans, for welfare, for the absence of calamity, for a future and for hope." "Your thoughts are NOT my thoughts (thank God) and my ways are NOT Your ways (thank God again).
Life is a series of one day at a time. Moment by moment. Thank God Again and Again.